HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
FOR SUNDAY.

MOTHER’S DAY STORIES
Keeping it light this week with a few embarrassing Mother’s day funny, sassy and most ridiculous things ever said.
'I Know CPR!'
My mother had just finished taking a CPR class at a local college when she and I were in the mall and saw a big crowd gathered around a still body. Mom took off running at a speed I didn’t know she could muster, yelling, “Everyone back! I know CPR!” Just as she threw herself next to the body and was about to begin, a pair of strong hands pulled her to her feet. “Ma’am,” said a police officer beside her, “we are trying to arrest this man.” —Talea Torres
Fall Risk
My mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk. Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.” —Betty Heim-Campbell
Wardrobe Malfunctions
On our way to my parents’ house for dinner one evening, I glanced over at my 15-year-old daughter. “Isn’t that skirt a bit short?” I asked. She rolled her eyes and gave me one of those “oh mom” looks. When we arrived at my folks’ place, my mother greeted us at the door, hugged my daughter, then turned to me and said, “Elizabeth! Don’t you think that blouse is awfully low-cut?” —Elizabeth Scott
Car Trouble
As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw a couple of people looking under the hood of their car. Concerned, Mom wondered aloud, “Do you think they have a flat tire?” —Barbara Hedden, Franklin
The Escort Service
My mother began getting calls from men who misdialed the similar number of an escort service. Mom, who had had her number for years, asked the telephone company to change the organization’s number. They refused. The calls kept coming day and night. Finally, Mom began telling the gentlemen who called that the company had gone out of business. Within a week, the escort service voluntarily changed its number. —Marian Burgess
Wake-Up Call
I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake. "Hi!" It was my peppy mother-in-law. She proceeded to rattle on about the busy day she had ahead and all the things that awaited her the rest of the week. "Mom," I interrupted. "It’s five in the morning." "Really? What are you doing up so early?" —Roseanne Sorcinelli

PLEASE BRING YOUR EGG BOXES BACK